WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
