last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
