Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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