dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
