Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
