eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Semen is not good for contacts.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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