Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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