i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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