isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
