so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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