sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
