sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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