I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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