Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
