I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize