I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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