I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
