God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
