There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
