if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
