Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
