If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
