Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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