Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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