So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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