heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize