How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
