they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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