He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
