My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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