phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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