he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
