there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
