I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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