I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We had to coat check the pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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