ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize