I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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