What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
