i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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