i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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