would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
