We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
