if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
