its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
