I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
