That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize