Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
