What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
