My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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