Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
