Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we're making bets on your personal life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
