There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
