I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
