fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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