Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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