so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
