you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
