new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
