i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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