How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
