She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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