oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
