That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
