well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
