so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
