textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
