sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
