i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
