you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
